Six Months Old

I've been trying to write this post for a week now.  I'm not sure why it has been so hard.  It just seems as if every time I sit down to type, my mind goes blank and I cannot find the words to describe the emotions I've been feeling over the past week.  I think it is because I have told myself since Carter was at his worst, that six months would be the turn-around point.  It gave me something to anticipate.  I secretly hoped that at six months he would be cured.*  Deep down, I knew this was not true.  I knew that six months would not be the magical moment that I had longed for, but it was a tangible moment that was not so far off in the future that would discourage me. 

*Cured meaning no more signs or symptoms or reflux, constipation, or eating issues.

Well, on Mother's Day, Carter turned six months old.  And, no I do not think it was a coincidence that he turned half a year old on Mother's Day, the day we celebrate our moms for all the hard work and devotion they put into their children and families.  Anyways, the day was here.  The day that was supposed to be "the day" that Carter would have no more issues with reflux, eating, or anything else that he is battling. 

 

I was through the roof with excitemnt that Sunday.  There was a constant smile in my heart and on my face-at least when I wasn't overcome with pain from shingles on my face, but that is another story.  I just knew that the day I had prayed for and hoped for was here.  I actually felt like I had taken the first full breath since he had been born.  I could relax.  I could return to the easy-going, non-stressing mom that I had been with Aiden.

But, as it is with most things, God has his own timetable and plan, and it does not always align with mine.  As sweet and wonderful Mother's Day was, it was the start of a trying week for Carter.  Along with reflux, he also struggles with constipation.  He always takes a probiotic and a laxative in the morning to help keep him regular, but it does not always do the trick.  And last week was that week.  I'll spare you the details, but it was bad.  And when it gets bad, it causes all of his other issues to compound.  It's a bit of a downward spiral.  Because of the constipation, he was spitting up like crazy and his intake of food had decreased.  When his eating slows, I immediately envision Carter back in the hospital with another feeding tube.  Needless to say, I was frantic and my anxiety level was rising by the minute.  I was finally able to speak to his GI doctor on Friday, who provided a new course of action.  The plan has helped get things under control, at least for the time being.  His reflux has slowed and his eating is increasing.   

I say all of this just to say that while Carter has made significant improvements over the last six months, turning six months old is bittersweet for me.  While I rejoice over his accomplishments, it is also a sobering reminder that Carter still has a way to go before I can take my deep breaths all the time.  The good news is that I am not the one in control and neither is Carter.  The one who is, is Lord of all.  And He is Lord over Carter's situation.  I rest in the fact that He is with Carter every second of every day and he has a plan for him.  And because of that I can relax and know that Carter is in good hands.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  -Jeremiah 29:11